Hello, all! In my new effort to upload twice a week, I’ve decided to try out a new type of post. Welcome to KP Rambles!
These posts are going to be, as the title insinuates, literally me just rambling. They are going to be more article-style and like a normal blog (lol), and I’ll talk about my life or advice or nothing or anything!
So, let’s ramble!
I’m growing up.
And it’s the worst. Honestly, I’m not a fan.
As a soon-to-be college sophomore, the nostalgia of days long past and the anxiety of the future have fully set in for me. It’s different than I thought it would be, though.
When you’re little, you assume you’ll grow up and be all perfect and amazing and everything will turn out exactly like you think. And that still happens to me a lot. I find myself dreaming up futures that likely will never come to pass.
Arriving at college last year was one of those ‘rude awakenings’ for me. It wasn’t everything I had imagined, and while from an academic standpoint I was happy, emotionally and socially I felt really disappointed and alone. There were a lot of times when I rethought and questioned my entire decision of the college I went to, and it was a rough couple of months.
Time, as hard as it is to believe, is actually the best remedy. After a few months, I found people. Maybe not the people I had expected to find, but they helped me through the year.
So, as the next school year quickly approaches, I thought I would offer some of the things I’ve learned about both leaving for college and growing up in general. I know there are thousands of ‘Things I Learned At College’ and ‘Everything to Know Before Your Freshman Year’ yada yada articles on the internet, but this one is just my experience and does not necessarily apply to what you have learned.
But here are some things I’ve noticed about all this growing that I wanted to share.
1. Interests Change
Lately, I’ve found myself finding less pleasure in activities I’d loved before. And I’ve been picking up some new ones.
I was a dancer all throughout school, and I really do love it. However, lately I’ve been pulling back, finding less joy and being less enthusiastic about dance than I used to. Recently, I’ve been back to enjoying music, since I’ve taken up the piano and ukulele again. I played piano for eight years and liked it but never truly enjoyed it, and I started trying the ukulele last year but didn’t catch on. Now, I’ve been playing both again.
But that’s okay. It’s normal to not necessarily enjoy everything throughout your entire life. Some things, some passions, stick with you, sure, but I think it’s good (and I should learn) to let go of some, if they don’t make you happy anymore.
2. Being Alone Can Be Okay
I might write more on this at another point, but something I’ve learned, especially after I got to college, is that being alone is not necessarily a bad thing. We really stereotype people who walk alone or eat alone, and there’s this pressure to have this amazing group of friends or a perfect significant other or best friend.
I mentioned this a bit in the intro, but when I got to college, I didn’t immediately find friends (and secret, no one does). It was a full month or two before I felt even remotely comfortable around my college friends, and that’s honestly early in some perspectives. But in that time I always felt so nervous and uncomfortable going to eat alone, more than anything else. Sitting in the huge cafeteria with people nearly exclusively in groups of two or more laughing and joking and telling stories just emphasized the fact that I was sitting at my table alone.
In that time, eventually, I started to realize that it wasn’t a big deal. No one was looking at me or judging me, and the anxiety of eating alone started to fall away. I won’t lie to you and say I entirely enjoyed it, but it became something to overcome, in a sense. Stepping out of my comfort zone to be alone and content.
But, honestly, relish in that time you’re alone. Soaking it in and noticing what you’re feeling or thinking by yourself can really teach you about yourself and help you find who you really are.
3. Stop Worrying/Apologizing
I know this one is easier said than done, but for some reason we don’t like to admit that literally no one out there in the universe has any idea what’s going on. We’re all totally lost, and we all sometimes need to just tell someone a random thing to get it off our chests. So don’t apologize to your friends or people in your life for ‘taking up their time,’ because you aren’t bothering them, and you aren’t just taking up space.
4. Give Yourself Time to What You Care About
It’s easy to submerge your anxieties in work, and it can become overwhelming to be in a new part of your life, whether that is college or high school or work or whatever. Taking time out of your day to do something that you care about, really and truly are passionate about (as opposed to schoolwork, which you might care about but not like CARE care, if you get me) is a great way to feel more comfortable.
Big surprise, writing helps me in this way. By starting my blog when I got to school, I was able to feel more at home, and it created a safe place and time for me to be me, while also giving me something to strive for. Sometimes, I notice I can get stuck in this monotony for life, like I’m just doing the same thing every day and I’ve become one of those montages in a movie where the character is super unenthused and makes the same unenthused face in every activity.
Finding something you’re passionate about, I’ve found, helps to jerk you out of the monotony and excite you, whatever that passion might be.
4. Whatever You’re Feeling, Feel It
I’m not going to tell you not to be scared about growing up. It’s a scary thing. But I will tell you to allow yourself to feel that fear, or anger, or excitement, or whatever it is you might be feeling. It’s important to recognize what you’re feeling and embrace it, to help you know who you are.
And, suppression is no one’s friend! And emotions are confusing! If you have someone in your life who will listen or some way to express what you’re feeling, I recommend telling them or doing that. Miscommunication is the one thing I hate more than anything else to be used as a plot device (ever scream at the screen or the book “IF YOU JUST TALKED TO EACH OTHER?” That’s what I’m talking about).
If you don’t have anyone to talk to, writing what you’re feeling down can help, even if you aren’t “A Writer.” Putting it out there in the world somehow is what’s important, and if no one is there for you, know that I am, and I believe in you.
Alright, so those are some things I’ve learned. I don’t know if this will help anyone, but I thought I just needed to say them. I might expand on some of these ideas in later posts, but yeah! If you’re headed into college this year or into some other big life event, I wish you the best of luck, and I know that you are not only going to get through, but you’ll do amazing.
If this does help you, please don’t be afraid to let me know. And if you’d like to see more of these more article-like writings, please leave a like or comment!
With love and good vibes,