A Tree-Shaped Hole

KP Rambles

 

First of all, big news! KP Writings has a new official Instagram!!

 

If you’re interested in more of what goes on behind the scenes, as well as some pictures and small writings of mine, feel free to follow @kpwritingsblog on Instagram! Also, don’t forget to follow me on Twitter @kpwritings!

 

If you’re new here, either from Instagram, Twitter, or anywhere else, welcome!

 

Second of all, if any of you remember back to the Spontaneity Ramble, when I mentioned the leaves of the trees outside my window (where I commonly sit to write for this blog), one of those trees fell the other day. Inexplicably, not cut or old or broken. It just fell.

 

I’ve thought about this tree a lot since it fell. Especially since I look out that window every day, and now instead of two sets of limbs stretching up and two bunches of leaves dancing for me in the wind, there’s only one. And a very obvious blank space (insert Taylor Swift reference here) where that tree once was.

 

When it fell, at about ten at night, it had been just the next in a series of peculiar events in our dorm, following two instances when the fire alarm went off (one at 3 am, that was fun). It covered Snapchat and Twitter, and the tree falling became a joke among us for the next few days.

 

After it fell, I joked about using the instance as a topic for a poem in my poetry workshop class. It was only a joke, but now I am going to use it as a metaphor.

 

I look out that window every day, and now I see something missing. Something I never entirely noticed before, all of a sudden gone with no reason why.

 

You can see where I’m going with this, can’t you?

 

So, as I’m writing this, I consider that I could go the whole live-every-day-like-it’s-your-last, you-never-know-what-you-got-until-it’s-gone route. But I’m not going to do that, because I’m sure you’ve all heard it a thousand times before.

 

It’s been about a week since that tree fell, and we don’t really talk about it anymore. No one really mentions it or misses it really. But I see that hole every time I look out the window, and it might sound strange, but I miss that tree.

 

There’s a blank space I can see that no one else can. Other people have tree-shaped holes that they don’t mention or talk about because no one else seems to mind or even notice that the tree is gone. Something is missing inside them that they don’t talk about, whatever it is that they are struggling with.

 

And in our individualistic culture, asking for help seems to be against the law. Talking about these holes feels like climbing out of a hole, digging your nails into the dirt and dragging your body up through the power of pure will. Opening up to people can feel like actually cutting through your skin and pulling our your heart and giving it to someone.

 

We perpetuate this culture that you have to do it alone. Well, I got through it alone just fine, so you shouldn’t need any help. You’re just being dramatic. You’re too young to feel this way. Man up.

 

This worldview is taking the strands that define humanity and twisting them into a shape that looks nothing like it was when it started. Yes, life is hard, and yes, everyone can get through it. But this shouldn’t discount what you are feeling.

 

Whatever that tree-shaped hole is in you is there. Look out at it. See the bright green leaves with hints of brown dots all around, to the right and back over there and way down that way. See the sturdy brown branches reaching up toward the sky right there outside. And see where that tree once was defined by the twigs and the leaves that once encircled it. Feel it all. It’s human, and it’s valid, and it’s there. Or, rather, not.

 

I’m writing this because often I can’t take this advice. I can type out or write down my emotions, forming them into words. But, it seems, putting them in my mouth and releasing them to the world with my voice is different, somehow. And I struggle with this.

 

But I suppose what I want to say is that whatever you feel is there and real and true, and you should fully experience it, taking note of what is happening inside your head. Be open about it to those you care about. And let others know that emotions are not something to hide.

 

Thanks for reading! Sorry this one was a bit short, but if you liked it, you can just push that little like button right down there!

 

Comment down below what sort of topics I should write about next on KP Rambles!

 

With love and good vibes,

KP

 

 

 

 

 

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